How anyone can support a parent of SEND kids

Being the parent of children with additional needs can be a rollercoaster ride; ask any parent in this situation. It can be the most unique and rewarding experience of your life while simultaneously being the most exhausting and challenging thing you have ever done.

Helping improve my mental health with small changes

The current changes has led to plethora of news about it's impact on our mental health.  I've written plenty about how it's impacted on us and just generally about the additional stresses that come with raising children who happen to have additional needs.  Then someone said to me "Well, what can you do about?"

Falling in love with our kids

I'm not sure if I'd really thought about what it would be like being a parent. I remember being all gooey eyed when feeding our new nephew a bottle of milk and that was it.  It must have been some maternal instinct - I was pregnant within a month.

No, this won't pass.. why parenting my autistic kids is different

Sometimes people say things that mean well. I recently wrote a post about how parents need time to themselves. Parenting can be overwhelming and exhausting in many ways and I need a little (often just a tiny) space to express myself to stay sane.  Many of my readers agreed.  Some added their support, saying "this will pass" but of course the reality for us is that it probably won't.

Talking to an autistic child when someone dies

My Papa, the kids' Great Papa has died.    It hurts, but death is part of the process of our and our children's lives.

Taking time out from parenting

I love being a parent. I love my kids to bits and it's without a doubt the best thing about my life. But, that's not to say it's not tiring and tough sometimes. Exhausting actually. With my kids conditions, I'm short on sleep and time for myself. And this is likely to be the case for years to come. But 'you can’t pour from an empty cup' as my Gran used to say. To be a great parent, I need to take a break from parenting all the time. So what can I do?

When you find out your child has got upset at school

When I dropped Jane at school on Monday, her older brother's teaching assistant was waiting at the door.  Anthony has autism and ADHD and has a learning support assistant (LSA)  or teaching assistant (TA) help him at school.  At first I thought he must have forgotten something, but then it was obvious that his TA was checking in because he'd got really upset a few days before.  It doesn't matter if your child has additional needs or not - no one wants to hear their child has been upset.

Time to Talk with parents of additional needs kids about mental health

It’s easy to think there’s no right place to talk about mental health. But the more we talk about it, the better life is for all of us. Too many people with mental health problems are made to feel isolated, worthless and ashamed. Time to Talk Day is a chance for all of us to be more open about mental health – to talk, to listen, to change lives. 

My daughter wants to be a King

When the parent mail pounced on my inbox, I sighed.  'Reception Nativity Costumes' it said. Of course, many reception parents delight in the excitement of the first nativity play.  As a mum of three, I've seen a fair few.  We've also had the chaos of costumes mixed in with two autistic boys.  'At least that won't be the case with Jane' I smiled to myself as I opened up the email.  So true, in fact, Jane's costume chaos cheered me up no end.

WonderfulWednesday: It's the BAPS Awards via @weareMFON

If you missed the big fuss last year when the SEND Blogger BAPS Awards were launched, then lucky you get to be wowed from the outset.  My slightly belated wonderful Wednesday post is about this years BAPS Awards - they were so successful they are back and looking better than ever.

How to approach parents' evening

Anyone with school-aged children will be more than familiar with parents’ evening.  All our kids are now in full-time education, but rather bizarrely it will be the first year that we have regular parents evenings to go to.  We are familiar with meeting the kids teacher's but parents evening can be a bit of a whirlwind and it's easy to shy away from the event, simply listening to the information presented, thanking the teacher and leaving.

Making a tiny bit of time mummy's

I was reading an interesting post from Lucy at Home about how, as a mum, it's easy to be the bottom priority in the family.  I love my children and they are the world to me, but it can seem like there isn't a second to rest.  There are things I simply feel I must do.  I must get to their various appointments, make sure they are safe, teach them how they can function in a world not built for them. Perhaps having kids with additional needs has highlighted just how much support they need.

Parenting my kids isn't what I expected because...

I'm not sure if I'd really thought about what it would be like being a parent.  I remember being all gooey eyed when feeding our new nephew a bottle of milk and that was it.  Must have been some maternal instinct - I was pregnant within a month. But it wasn't all easy or what I thought it would be after that.

When my kids tell me I'm doing an OK job

I don't know a parent that doesn't wonder if they are doing enough.  Am I a good enough mum? Should I be doing more?  Sometimes even, what should I be doing? There are pictures splattered all over the social media of perfect looking families and happy children.  It's going to be fab photos of kids in their World Book Day costumes not photos of a child crying their eyes out because mum forgot to check parent mail and they've turned up in school uniform.

Keynote exert: As a SEND parent

At the end of November I gave a keynote speech to Special Education Needs and Disabilities professionals in London.  Here I'm sharing exerts from the speech on what do we as SEND parents want? Today, I share part of the setting I gave in my speech.. being a SEND parent. I'd love your comments on what you'd share about being a parent.

3 healthy happy habits for busy parents

All parents get tired and may find they no longer have the time to themselves they used to have. Whether you are a parent or parent-carer of a child with additional needs, one of the easy things to disappear is how you used to take care of yourself.  Now, kids come first, then everything else, then often mummy's needs are met last.  But I can't afford to fall apart and need easy things to help me stay healthy and happy. So here's a few easy healthy habits I picked up when offered to try Pure Chimp Super Tea.

Why my autistic son would be a great father

Anthony, our eldest son with autism, used to say that when he grew up, he'd like to be a..  dad.   Possibly also combined with a part time job as a either a dentist or super villain.

#WonderfulWednesday: The challenges of positive relationships for parents and carers

This week's wonderful Wednesday share is from Being Toby's Mummy and is called 'The challenges of positive relationships for parents and carers' supporting Mental Health Awareness Week last week.

It's a lovely post that gives some great ideas on how to have with external relationships when you have extra stresses like having a child with additional needs. Being Toby's Mummy picks up on some lovely points.

David's iPad, an alternative to parenting?

I think if I told some people how long my son can play or should I say, is allowed to play, on his iPad I'd get strange looks. I know if I told people he spent hours everyday on it I'd be judged. This post has been updated, please read the rest here.

Wellies, make me think SPD

It may have been a bit damp outside yesterday but it wasn't really cold. Instead of being locked up in the house a couple of the kids went to lend a hand cleaning and clearing up in the front garden and garage. 

The grass and bushes were still pretty wet and after a while Jane had stomped around enough for Daddy to holler inside,  "I think wellies would be better mummy!  Jane go inside and get your wellies on."

As I approach the front door, Jane is stood on the porch with soggy looking shoes and her bottom lip sticking out. "Shhhh, but I don't want to wear wellies. They make me fall over." 

I tried not to smile at the fact that she had tried to hide her confession from her dad. I opened the door wider and asked her if she had finished playing outside or not. Sensibly she came in and we popped her shoes on the dryer. 

But her adorable confession reminded me of the difficulties the boys have in wellies.  David in particular won't wear them.  As part of their autism both the boys have sensory processing disorder (SPD). If affects them both differently. 

David finds his level by spinning and squealing a lot. Anthony likes to jump but his biggest issue was falling over. We were in A&E twice before every cornered and edged piece of furniture was fitted with bumpers. Wellies were difficult for him too. They were just too awkward to work and required a bit more coordination than he had in those loose fitting boots. 

David has a slightly different issue. As with many people with autism, David likes routine and sameness. He wouldn't wear wellies because they weren't his normal shoes, they were different. Not surprising really, it took us three weeks to get him to try his school shoes on. 

Of course, for some kids with SPD, wellies would be essential as they might not be able to bare getting wet or cold. 

Both our boys do a bit better now. Happily, a lack of wellies doesn't seem to stop them running around the garden. How do your kids survive the wet or cope with different clothes?