What my daughter's interest in Spanish made me think about acceptance

Recently my daughter has been trying her hand at writing some Spanish phrases.  She's been asking google translate lots of things and she's been busy making notes.  It's all because one of her best friends recently moved away.

WonderfulWednesday: The thief of joy @mumsomeone

At first my wonderful Wednesday will seem a bit gloomy this week.  It's really not though.  It's from Danielle at Someone's Mum and is about the happiness she has over her son's personal progress.

Madeupmilestones: The party with @2ndtimemama

I'm proud of so many of my kids achievements.  My boys often don't hit the same milestones as listed in the 'little red book' milestone chart and I've learned that creating our own milestone charts celebrating their own achievements is more valuable to me.  This series celebrates the #madeupmilestones of those we care about. This month it's from Mummy Times Two who shares a milestone about a birthday party.

What I found in my autistic son's bag

Another term over, another term of the oddest looking artwork and shortest stories arrive at our house. I'm sure for many parents and guardians looking through the plethora of items sent home at the end of the school term is an absolute delight.

The early works of future artists, writers, engineers, scientists etc are celebrated and catalogued for future generations. The best pieces make their way to the fridge or are framed for all to see.  But it's not quite the same in our house.

#WonderfulWednesday: The challenges of positive relationships for parents and carers

This week's wonderful Wednesday share is from Being Toby's Mummy and is called 'The challenges of positive relationships for parents and carers' supporting Mental Health Awareness Week last week.

It's a lovely post that gives some great ideas on how to have with external relationships when you have extra stresses like having a child with additional needs. Being Toby's Mummy picks up on some lovely points.

#WonderfulWednesday: Do autistic children have friends?

This week's wonderful Wednesday share is from Catie over at An Imperfect Mum and her lovely post 'Do autistic children have friends?' It's a beautifully written piece about her son and his challenges finding, keeping and understanding friends and friendship.

What I really think is wonderful is Catie's underlying assumptions. True, there are possibly stereotypical autistic people who prefer to be alone but not all do and it's much more about how instead we as society can adjust to allow, neigh, encourage them to participate in whatever activities they wish.. including friendship.

Our son talks about all his class mates as being his 'friends' but we know that's probably not really the case. That doesn't mean he doesn't choose who he spends his time with. He happily admits his dad is his best friend (lucky dad) and he actively misses him when he's not around for any reason at all.

Playing with peers definitely happens. Play dates have the difficulty of what to do with siblings if invited to play dates. First visits usually require breaking in and that's difficult with a non verbal five year old and a toddler in tow. Plus, Anthony needs to be invited round somewhere or want to have someone round himself which doesn't happen often.

We help Anthony by introducing him to new things that are more age appropriate for common ground. This is providing him with the opportunity to see what he enjoys and it turns out that he loves marvel Superheros and Formula 1.  Truth is he'd probably still be into In The Night Garden if we didn't help him along.

Catie picks up on a common interests theme in her post along with her own sons perceptions. It's a lovely insight that proves autistic people can want friends too. If you haven't read it already, go over to An Imperfect Mum for a look.

Links
Our blog - Our terribly truthful son
Our blog - To the boy who showed an interest in my son's special interest

External
An Imperfect Mum - Do autistic children have friends?

Appreciating the talents of others?

Sometimes it can seem as if a child with autism is stuck in their own world. Our son, David, can cut himself off from those around him and enjoy the time he has on his own. Anthony needs this time too but that doesn't mean he can't see what's going on around him or appreciate it.

We were nearly late getting Anthony to school a few days ago. As we arrived I had him set up for the idea that he would probably be going straight through to assembly. When I collected Anthony at the end of the day, he gladly let me know that I had been wrong and there hadn't been an assembly at school that day.  I suddenly thought that perhaps this had something to do with an Easter Parade, but as Anthony was not forthcoming with information I let the questioning slide.

Today I found out that the school had attended a rolling Easter Service at the Church and this is why there had been no assembly. See, I knew it had something to do with Easter, he does after all attend a church associated school. 

One of the girls from Anthony's class was singing at the service. Anthony's teaching assistant told us he had been very good during the service, he had also commented that his friends singing had been just wonderful. So I asked him about it.

He said that he couldn't talk about it. Her singing was just too beautiful to talk about.

Sometimes the emotions through his senses are just too high. In the same way Anthony doesn't want to look at rainbows because they are too beautiful, he attached such appreciation and delight in the memory of this girls singing. 

Isn't that just lovely. It's as if it took his breath away.

What took your breath away recently?

Links
Our blog - Mysteries of memories
Our blog - showing pride in others in Never prouder of last place 

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Finally, excited to see a Christmas show

Yesterday I was at my daughters Christmas show. I have three children and attend all the shows etc that I can, but this is the first time I've attended with nerves of excitement instead of nerves of anxiety or a feeling of indifference. 

It's because despite being only two and a half, Jane was by far the most interested and engaged in the Christmas show possibly because she's the only child without autism in the family. She's only been at nursery for two mornings a week for four weeks. But that hasn't stopped her being a full participant in the Nativity Play. 

Our little 'angel' did all the actions, quietly sang songs, enthusiastically clapped in all the right parts and identified afterwards that she was actually wearing a Cinderella dress but it was ok. She even filled in gaps during the songs which had no actions with a bit of Makaton sign language. Clever girl. As well as that she could actually re-tell the nativity story afterwards. 

There was no fear of clapping, loud noises or the need to make sure everyone else (including the technical staff) were doing their jobs right. There was no excessive fidgeting or lying down. And I knew this would be the case. It's not at all that I'm disappointed when I go to see the boys at their shows. Because they are both on the autistic spectrum, these events are more challenging.  

If you've read my other posts, you'll know that in some ways I'm more over joyed by the boys smaller achievements. Attending their events tend to come with different expectations, more weight and nerves. I guess I'm just lucky to be able to enjoy their achievements and glorious little Cinderella too.

Links

*Baubley Babbles - Our ideas to help us communicate over Christmas posted every school day over the holidays*

Our blog - Watching our son stand in Christmas show

Our blog - The hope I see in the kind acts of children (school performances)

Our blog - Why our chatterbox goes to signing classes

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Jane loves her autistic brothers

Jane is two and a half years old. Despite her young age she has already accomplished many more things than her older brothers.  This is because as yet, Jane is the only child in the family not facing the difficulties associated with a diagnosis of autism.   She's developing in a more neuro-typical way, talking in near sentences, enjoying social interaction and to my absolute joy, declaring love for her siblings.

Jane's eldest brother Anthony is seven and if you ask him if he loves his family he will tell you that of course he does. David is five years old and can tell you if he wants something, but not really if he either likes it or loves it. He is more likely to ask for a biscuit than his mother. This doesn't mean that the boys don't play with their younger sister. On the contrary, Jane being younger makes things easier for them.  Jane is able to be directed in play.  She will follow instructions and suggestions for play.  She's also up for anything fun like running around, wrestling and hiding. And she does it with an absolute joy than is infectious even to the boys. 

Don't get me wrong, playing with the boys can be challenging.  Both have sensory difficulties meaning than can be very physical in play. David can be fairly rough and his play repertoire is mostly adaptions of chase.  Anthony can be very demanding, games have to be played as he dictates and sometimes Jane has to put up with a fair amount of shouting when the simple rules aren't followed appropriately.  This is because Anthony enjoys repetition as it means he doesn't have to deal with the unexpected.  They were both diagnosed with ASD within a year when they were around three and four years old has meant we understand them better and are able to help them all play together.  Both boys also need their space too and it's not uncommon for poor Jane to be told 'I don't want to play with you right now.'

Jane had been told such a thing when I went to comfort her yesterday.  I asked her if she was sad because she liked playing with her brothers.  "Yes, I sad. I like playing with my brothers. I love them," she said.  Admittedly, she seems to 'love' everything at the moment. But despite this it was still one of those many times you have as a parent when you know you should have a sad face to show you empathise with your child but you've actually got a smile.  For despite her brother's behaviour being a bit odd, rough and sometimes seemingly mean, she still loves them, even at two and half years old.  I know she may find her brothers difficult to understand as she and they get older but I'll take a bit of love between them all right now. 

Links
Our blog - Normal Repetitive play, watching Jane's development
Our blog - Anthony's always aloud

External links
NAS - Sensory
NAS - Obsessions, routines and repetition

The hope I see in the kind acts of children

Performance has always been difficult for Anthony.  The pressure of a spectacle, the potential of failure and the large number of people are a lot to cope with.  We've always been very proud of Anthony's effort to participate in his class performances but I've noted that it's not only his increased ability to cope with summer concerts and Christmas plays that gives me hope for his future.  It's the actions of the other children too.

Read the updated version and rest of this post here.

External Links
NAS - Routines and resistance to change
NAS - The sensory world of autism

Understanding autistic siblings - it's starting with sleep

Many kids with autism have sleeping difficulties.  We've been dealing with them for many years.  In '5 tips to get more sleep when you have autistic kids', it seemed that one of the hardest things to deal with when you have autism in the family is exhaustion. There are many suggestions for helping kids with autism sleep. Sensory aids such as weighted blankets, routine changes or in some cases melatonin supplements.  

Our terribly truthful child

Are we the most fortunate parents in the world? Our eldest son is 7 years old and he has never told me a lie. Never.

This doesn't mean he has never done anything wrong. Anthony will freely admit when he has been naughty and understands about the 'naughty step'.  He will offer up his guilt upon the first request of 'what happened here' and will even explain if he did it on purpose or if the event was actually an accident. Anthony has been diagnosed with ASD since he was 4 years old. He has always been literal and taken what he is told and sees as fact, which has proved difficult at times such as interpreting what is real and what is fiction on the television for example.   

Initially we thought he may have difficulty with thinking forward to the consequences of him being truthful and so saw no point in deceit. But there was a short while when Anthony would claim he didn't want to tell me something because he thought I'd be disappointed in him so I know he can think ahead.  At the time I assured him that no matter what he thought, I always wanted him to tell me the truth and he seems to have stuck to this.

But it's not all cheery cheery.  Anthony has wonderfully mocked some of my cooking as 'not being as good as normal', regularly declares I'm not being very nice to him when I'm helping other siblings instead and has mentioned to several relatives that they will mostly likely die before he does.

Today is the first day of the half term holidays that the whole family will be able to do something together.  Anthony has been very excited about his father not going to work.  However, yesterday he also confirmed that the main reason for this is not because he will get to spend time with his dad.  Instead, Anthony is looking forward to spending time with his dad's phone.  The Marvel Champions game has not been downloaded onto any of our other devices because they are on different accounts so Anthony can only play it when his dad, and therefore his dad's phone is at home. 

I sigh and then smile. Lucky Anthony.  A short while ago he also confided that he totally loved his dad and that his dad was his best friend.  And that was a wonderful truth to hear. He'll get to spend a few days now playing The Marvel Champions game sitting next to his best mate.  And of course, I'm the most fortunate mother in the world.

Links
Our blog - A little bit of obsessions in action
Our blog - Anthony's first experience of guilt

Issues when Anthony's always aloud

Some people are aware that individuals with autism can be sensitive to loud noises so might be confused by our son Anthony.  Although better at school, in most environments Anthony himself is extremely loud.  He seems to operate at maximum volume all the time, and whilst this might be a bit annoying, it also makes it difficult to tell when Anthony is distressed or needs help because when he shouts for it, he's not actually any louder than normal.

Read the updated post here

A ray of sunshine - autism at the playground

It was a pretty day in the playground.  The family had a higher adult to child ratio than normal and so I was able to give all my attention to David.  Then something amazing happened - for about a minute he didn't need me there.  

Now for a child with autism this is nothing unusual.  David can happily play on an iPad without looking up or needing actual attention for an hour and can in fact refuse assistance on a regular basis.  But this time it was different. He didn't need me to interact with him because he'd started to interact with another child.

The word 'interaction' comes from Latin 'inter', meaning between or among, and 'ago' meaning to do or to act––any “action between” is considered an interaction.  That's back and forth. 

For David this is difficult.  He is 4.5 years and like 25% (www.autismspeaks.org) or so of people with autism he is non verbal for the most part. His verbal skills are limited to single sounds, most of his communication is through a loose version of Makaton sign language that we have learned.  Throw in that he doesn't understand, or in most cases care, about what others are doing or saying and it makes 'interaction' quite difficult. Nevertheless, today sunshine illuminating his face he did it.

David stood and then took turns, first spinning another little girl and then when offered the seat was spun in a teacup. I was mesmerized. The rest of the playground were completely oblivious to the excitement I was containing. Most mums, just like the one of the little girl, can take their kids to the playground and expect them to play with other kids without help or often without any parental awareness.  But this was a first for David and me.  My eldest, who is also on the autistic spectrum, still needs assistance with social interactions.  In this case, I was soon needed as an interpreter but that didn't matter - I was interpreting an interaction with another child of similar age. 

The lovely little girl was perceptive "why doesn't David talk", "I want to show you, why aren't you looking at me David?" 

A quick chat later and the she declared, "Well, David finds talking difficult but he is very good at climbing and I find climbing very difficult". 

They played until the little girl had to go home. And David, the rest of the troop and I walked back to the car in the sunshine.

Share your joyful moments of interaction with me, I'd love to hear about them.