Gloves, glorious gloves! A moment of magic with my autistic son

It started to get much colder this week. David's not great with wearing unfamiliar clothes. Unfamiliar things can be scary for anyone and it can be even harder if you are a kid with sensory issues. 

Two and a half year old Jane has been wearing gloves (well mittens actually) for a long time. Hilariously she even wears them eating ice lollies in the house. David's older brother has been told to put his gloves on every school day for the last two months as he scoots to school. 

I've been saying the word a lot and I guess David must have been listening and watching because when I said 'gloves on' to him, he held out his hands. 

He and I and the other kids were going to our local playground. In some ways it's better when it's cold because the playground is quieter.

David held my hand and we walked slowly down the road to the playground that's not far away at all. Did I say slowly? 

The reality is we had a great time taking a very long time to get to the playground:

David checked to see that he could still count his fingers when he had gloves on. Check! 

He made sure he could still clap. Check!

He checked that they felt soft on the outside too, by rubbing his cheeks. Check!

Then we stood still for a minute while I copied every glovey move he made. He covered his ears, then his mouth.  He put his hands like antlers, then just one antler, then the other. Then back on his cheeks, and then covering his eyes. I copied him exactly and he watched me intently and grinned hugely, and didn't notice when I peeked through whilst covering my eyes (after all, I had another child in tow).

This was almost a type of intensive interaction if you've heard of that before. 

Best of all, after we got to the park David found that he could hold on to the bars and play equipment for as long as he liked and his hands didn't get cold. We headed back home a little early when Jane slipped into a muddy puddle, but no one was upset about it. 

Great cold trip to the playground. 

Links
Our blog - A ray of sunshine, autism in the playground 

External links
What is intensive interaction? 

5 things to know before applying for an EHCP (Education, Health & Care Plan)

I've learned lots whilst getting David in to his specialist unit and getting the support for Anthony, his older brother, via an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP).  I'm not a legal or council expert, just a parent whose gone through the process a few times and if you think your child might need extra support, here's a few things worth knowing. This post has been updated, read it here.

Why ALL forms of communication are awesome in autism

"Does he have any more words yet?"

"Does he talk, does he say anything at all?"

A mum at a special needs playgroup once said to me, "I'm just desperate to hear her voice and hear her say mummy. Can you imagine not hearing that from one of your kids?"

Of course, I can.

However, I believe this mum made a basic error in her comment. True, her daughter doesn't talk, it doesn't necessarily follow that she doesn't have a voice.

Our son David has autism and no, he doesn't say any actual words. He uses makaton sign language most of the time. He sometimes uses PECS which is a series of picture cards to form sentences and he often vocalises with both of these. Without sign or PECS it would be extremely difficult for anyone to understand what he was saying. But trust me, my son has a voice.

He tells me when he wants something and tells me when he doesn't. He tells me when he's having fun and when he's distressed. And he's more likely to sign 'daddy' than 'mummy'. After all, why request me? I'm always here.

About a year ago David's signing vocabulary started to expand far beyond the 20 or so words he knew that mostly related to asking for his favourite food items. He started signing 'swing' in the garden and 'house' when it was time for home.

One afternoon I was retrieving him from the car after returning home from his nursery. He held me tight as I went to release him from the car seat. I took the opportunity for a hug and said 'hug' as I squeezed him awkwardly. I went to get him out for a second time and he grabbed me again. This time I stood back and said and signed 'hug'. Then I asked him what he wanted.

For the first time, David signed hug. I was close to tears. I praised him and he giggled, juggling around as I nearly crushed him. We continued signing and hugging for at least two minutes if not more. Soon, my daughter who was sat on the other side of the seat started asking for a cuddle too so we went into the house.

David may not say many words but we are working with him to help him say more. We have a great speech and language therapist that works with him and us. He will 'fit in' more if he talks, but even when he is older he could be like the other 25% of people with autism who are non verbal. Fitting in is not what we are after, unless that's what he indicts he wants of course.  Talking is not the be all and end all. He expresses his opinions and often understands situations. That's not even considering the progress he's made with his receptive language (the language he hears) such as following instructions.

I think David has a fine voice. Did you know a baby has to hear hundreds of repetitions of words to pick up them up. Everywhere they go, babies are listening and adding to their words lists. Imagine though that the baby didn't hear any of those words because they weren't engaged with them. I think David's had to pick up sign via a much shorter number of repetitions, just like hug above, because it's not happening everywhere.

No one signs at the shops, in the playground nor most other places we go. We don't even all sign to each other in the house, but that hasn't stopped him. And overall his I was far more delighted with his desire to sign and have a hug that I am about his perhaps odd attempt to say mummy. Even if he was only asking for a squeeze to help fill his sensory needs - he's getting what he needs.  And that or showing affection seems a fantastic way for him to use his voice if you ask me.

Favourite Friday: Follow their lead

A valuable thought to end our Bauble babbles and to continue into the new year - follow our kids.

Jane is busy make a big mess with the felt tip pens and the colouring books she got in her stocking. David was looking at a small book collection nearby. I thought I would try to engage him by picking up one of the books and looking at it. Read more

On 'Favourite Fridays', Rainbowsaretoobeautiful will publish the most popular post from the previous week. If you missed it, then here's your chance to catch up.

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Inset with David

There are positive and negative points to having all your kids in different schools. Not being able to hand down uniform would be a negative if any of it lasted that long. The commuting between schools is probably the most obvious.

What about having different inset days? Anthony and Jane both started back at school on Monday this week, but David had two inset days and only went back on Wednesday.  A pain if you are planning holidays but I found it a real bonus to spent some real playtime with our middle child. 

After the two drop offs, David, who is four, and I went to a nearby play gym that we haven't been to for years. We basically haven't been since David was 18 months when his brother started school and I didn't think he would remember it. Some kids with autism get very anxious about going to new places. Often though, David gets quite excited about going on a day out. This has improved since he started school. He mostly needs the support when he is in his new environment on how to behave appropriately (see 'Caution at the aquarium').

Generally at home David either has both socks and shoes on bare feet. We've been working on helping him to understand that in some places he just wears socks. He made no fuss at all as I explained 'shoes off, socks on'. 

He and I scaled the cargo nets, squeezed down the twisty slides and had an absolute ball in the ball pit. He giggled so much the balls shook around him while he played hiding. He wasn't at all phased by the other kids, some of whom were quite bigger than him, and with a bit of help was able to wait his turn appropriately. 

When it was time to go he did well. Grumbled a little bit but was quickly won over by being able to play with my phone and have a biscuit while I put his shoes and coat on. 

Jane is two years old and only in nursery on a Monday and Wednesday morning. David and I had such a good time on Monday and that we took his sister with us again on Tuesday. And after a fun hour I reminded myself just like I did in 'Why sharing gingerbread is amazing' that although David isn't talking much more than when he started in September his skills have improved immensely. And I must continue to give him the opportunity to use them. 

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Caution at the aquarium

It sounds strange but sometimes we have to go kiddie attractions without some of the kids. We go on a recce to see what's there. It's a way of surveying the place and seeing if it's something our kids are going to like or worse yet like too much.

Jane gets sad if she's made to leave something she likes. We'll get a sticky out bottom lip, that she does really well by the way. Anthony will simply scream and dance with excitement. David's the worst though when it comes to liking things too much.  He'll sign 'no' when it's time to leave and run off. He'll usually get over it as we give him notice that it will be time to leave but it's not that that's the 'challenging' part so much.

Let's take for example last weekend. David did not join the rest of us in our trip to the sea life centre. He was going to the local playground with his grandparents while my hubby, the kids and I went to the sea life centre at Chessington. It was full of beautiful creatures and features. Jane loved the Nemo / Dory combination tank and the walk in bubble. Anthony liked the shark tunnel and big fish. The sea lions are always popular.

David might not have seen these. Looking through glass or at things in a crowd seem to either not have enough or be too overwhelming on his sensory scale.  He'd be more interested in his iPad while the other kids were excited.  David's interest and our hazard would have been the big open Ray pool and deck. I'd bet money that he would have stripped naked and jumped in the pool. 

Funny? Try restraining a five year old hypermobile (that's super flexible to some of you) autistic boy who has it is in his head that he's supposed to be playing in the water! I love his freedom of thought. The way he sees water here as no different from the beach. The way he's not deterred by the fact no one else is going in. 

I looked about to see if there was a way to avoid the Ray pool on our next visit, but there wasn't. For David,  we'll wait just a little while until he can maybe either appreciate the tank fish or is  just a bit happier following our instructions. It's a fine line between a good day out and a wet one sometimes. But we will keep looking for activities David and the rest of the pack will love 'just the right amount'. And in the meantime we had fun at the sea life centre and David had fun at the playground. 

Links
Our blog - A ray of sunshine: autism in the playground 
Our blog - Racing clouds, David's delight 

External links 
National Autistic Society - Sensory information  

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#AccessibilityStories

Nervous about 'nearly' as school restarts

It takes all kids a while to learn about time. Waiting can be difficult for the best of us. When we leave the kids with carers I use the same language to indicate how long I'm going to be away from them. 'Right back' is in a few minutes, 'soon' is an hour or so and 'later' is pretty much saying I'm going to be away all day.

I don't know how you do it - from a mum of autistic and neurotypical kids

"I don't know how you do it." It's a phrase I've heard so many times.

Often it's preceded by "with respect". It's hard to know whether it's a compliment or a criticism. Do I look such a mess that it seems I'm only just coping? Or are people suggesting that they wouldn't want my kids?

Bauble babbles:Follow their lead

A valuable thought to end our Bauble babbles and to continue into the new year - follow our kids.

Jane is busy make a big mess with the felt tip pens and the colouring books she got in her stocking. David was looking at a small book collection nearby. I thought I would try to engage him by picking up one of the books and looking at it. 

But David wasn't interested in me having a book, in fact me having a book meant he abandoned them altogether and started playing with the felt tip pens. Reading the book I had in my hands was no good, I was only able to engage him when I started to help him line up the pens.

I asked him which colour he would like next? And he responded until we had lined up the pens a few times.

Only by following David's agenda did I manage to engage him and get him to communicate with me. Lucky me!

Have a look at our Bauble babbles from the beginning, an idea a day while the holidays were here. 

From Monday, back to our regular blog posts, the random ramblings, thoughts and info from me, a mum of autistic and neurotypical kids. See you then. 

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