Never prouder of last place

Today was Anthony's first Swimming Gala.  Nearly 100 kids with Special Educational Needs (SEN) from nearly 20 schools took part in a borough wide inclusive swim competition.  Last night was Anthony's last swim lesson before his Gala and as his awesome swimming instructor couldn't get to the Gala it was me who was going to practice his race swim with him in the pool.

Yesterday Anthony had woken up with a terrible cold and I was a bit nervous that he might not make it to his lesson. By the time I'd got back from the school run, I was worried I wouldn't make it. I pretty much went straight to bed after I realised my headache was a migraine. I was very fortunate that Jane was at nursery so was able to go straight to bed.  I was just about able to function with the aid of a pile of painkillers for the afternoon school run. 

As I collected Anthony, I saw his cold was much better and he was all set for his last swim lesson before the Gala. Despite still feeling rotten, I wasn't going to let him down, so donned a swimsuit and headed to the pool. 

I still had the after effects of my migraine.  The lights in the pool pierced my eyes, the sounds echoed around my head and the chlorine made me feel a bit (more) sick. The pool was freezing cold, or at least that's how it felt and I was desperate not to get any water in my ears in case it hurt. I wanted everything to go smoothly and like normal please - nothing too complicated. 

But this was all about preparing Anthony. He had worn his swim team track suit to the lesson and we got undressed at the poolside just like he would need to do today.  And then after a short lesson, he and I went up and down the pool as Anthony practiced his race.  When he was happy and tired enough, we went home. 

If you've read, A lead pipe, a ball and a pair of feet, you'll know since Anthony has had lessons, his swimming has really come along. But he was very nervous about coming last in his race.  As he was going to be the youngest in his heat today this was entirely possible.

We have spent the last week talking about how racing is more about doing your best than winning. We have watched the 2012 Olympic backstroke finals several times and Anthony has watched some of the best swimmers in the world come last in their races on YouTube. He knew it was ok to come last but he was worried about it happening. 

Two pupils went with Anthony from his school.  He cheered them both brilliantly during their heats.  I was very proud of him when he took the effort to go and see one of his fellow pupils to congratulate them on winning their heat. He said he was very proud of them, and that made everyone smile. He got a kindness sticker when he got back to school for that. 

Anthony had waited three hours for his single length swim when we were finally called to get into the water. He had been grouped with boys who were older than he was, which happens at these events. Anthony is in Year 3, but the event allowed for up to Year 6. 

We both shivered as we got in. Anthony dunked his face in the water and then got into the 'take your marks' position.  The whistle sounded and he was off. 

For a short period he seemed to be travelling in a relatively straight line. 'Big arms and kick, kick, kick', I repeated over and over. He swam as best as I've ever seen. About half way down the length he traversed a bit but was still going ok. I glanced over and realised that indeed, Anthony would be last.  I winced ever so slightly but not enough to stop my persistent 'Big arms and kick kick kick' mantra that we had practiced to. As we past the five meter to go flags he said, "I'm nearly there" and a moment or so later he'd fumbled a bit and touched the end. 

I immediately gave him a massive grin and massive hug and told him he had been amazing. "Did I come last?" he asked. "Is that ok?" I asked. "Yes, because I really did my best mummy." 

Ok, hold it together I thought.  

As we got out the pool to the same round of cheers and congratulations that every single swimmer got, Anthony squinted as he took of his goggles. He was shivering and I grabbed his towel (I hardly noticed the cold, I was so hyped). I looked around and thought how amazing my son was. 

Yesterday I'd been a bit iffy when I went to the pool, but the things that bothered me are things Anthony as a child with ASD, ADHD and SPD overcomes every single time he goes swimming. The piercing bright lights, the cheers and echos, the cold water and strong smell of chlorine. 

He's not only learned to swim, he's learned to cope with all these sensory battles, learned to cheer and feel pride in the accomplishments of others and learned that doing his best is more important than winning.  

I could barely be prouder of my last place boy.  What was the last thing that made you realise your kid is just amazing?

Links
Our blog - A lead pipe, a ball and a pair of feet
Our blog - Autism and the misunderstandings of empathy

External Links
NAS - Sensory

Bauble babbles:Reading our conversation social story

Our Baubley babbles are my notes on helping my family communicate over Christmas.

Today is about using a social story to help with communication. Social stories work really well for some autistic children, and I think could help a neuro-typical child with a particular behaviour. Anthony has a social story that's about have conversations and in particular speaking in full sentences. 

Social stories are short stories model appropriate social interaction. They are describing a situation with its social cues, other's perspectives, and what an appropriate response would be. It can be used to help correct an inappropriate behaviour but is often used to praise appropriate behaviours too. Reading through the story again at times when you think you might need to reminding about the is an easy trick.  With so much going on at Christmas, a quick read of Anthony's social story at the beginning or end of the day gives him a better chance of achieving it's goal over the festive holidays.

Tomorrow - more tips to help my kids talk at Christmas
Yesterday - Introduce and use appropriate (festive) vocabulary

Links
National Autistic Society - How to write social stories

Notes: Thanks for reading Baubley babbles, my notes on helping my family talk over Christmas. My sons are both on the autistic spectrum and we have a two year old daughter. Our son, David is five years old and uses a variety of Augmented and Alternative Communication (AAC) to talk. Every school day till school restarts I'll post a one thing I'll be keeping in mind to help us all communicate over the festive holidays. Maybe some things will be of interest to you too.

The hope I see in the kind acts of children

Performance has always been difficult for Anthony.  The pressure of a spectacle, the potential of failure and the large number of people are a lot to cope with.  We've always been very proud of Anthony's effort to participate in his class performances but I've noted that it's not only his increased ability to cope with summer concerts and Christmas plays that gives me hope for his future.  It's the actions of the other children too.

Read the updated version and rest of this post here.

External Links
NAS - Routines and resistance to change
NAS - The sensory world of autism

Talking to other mums - dinosaur and kitten chat

It can be difficult to talk to other mums about your kids when your kids have additional needs and theirs don't.  It's not that I have difficulty talking about my kids.  It's just almost impossible to talk about my boys without mentioning that they are on the autistic spectrum.   Conversations just fizzle out or become difficult because the other parent and I have very different experiences and we struggle to find common ground.  It's like they are bringing up kittens and I have dinosaurs.

Take for example this week at a playgroup.  Now that my boys are both at school I've been trying to enjoy quality time with Jane at regular playgroups.  We couldn't attend 'normal' playgroups with my boys as it was too stressful for me, the boys, other kids and the other mums.  Now it's just Jane and I during the day, I've been back in the playgroup rota.  Sadly a study early this year found that nearly a quarter of new mothers felt isolated.  Playgroups are great.  Along with other things, they provide a way to get out and meet other mums.  I'm not with my dinosaurs today, so surely I'll get some regular kitten conversations?

Within minutes the question arises, "Is Jane your only child".  I reply that I also have two boys at school.  "Oh really, that must be a handful(!), which schools?"  And that's it; the answer means the conversation is about the boys and their ASD. Then despite me asking about their kids the conversation stops.  Sometimes it feels like I should just wear a badge "I also have autistic kids - there, now let's talk about something else".  

It turns out that talking with others isn't just something that my autistic sons have difficulty with.  I recently went mad on a SEN chat forum as a way of connecting with others who understood. But the good news is that I do get to have adult conversations, often it's with the volunteers running the playgroups and, you've guessed it, other mums of kids with additional needs that are there too.  There are also SEN parent activities and most of all with our loving family and friends. These guys are all comfortable with my dinosaur/kitten chat and are happy to roar and purr with me appropriately.

External links

Me Too & Co

National Autistic Society (NAS) local group search