The A Word so far; my top five explanations

Have you watched any of The A Word yet?  I'd love it if you did. If you don't have autism in your family you may have wondered what's going on at various points in the last two weeks of the show. As tonight we approach the half way point of the series (I think), I thought I'd throw together my top explanations for what Joe's been up to in the series, as identified not by an expert, just by me and my experiences with our autistic and neurotypical kids.

AutismParenting: Never underestimate the value of routine

Everything in life has an intrinsic value.   Some things are more important to some of us than others. Some value family, some health, some money. My six year old autistic son values routine.  Routines keep him safe.  Routines ensure things happen right.  Sometimes I'm blown away by the impact a tiny change can have.

When your three year old daughter plays the mother

No one plans to be the mother to autistic children.  It's almost impossible to do so.  But no one plans to have a daughter playing the role of mother when she is just three years old either. I've been trying to work out if this is a happy post or a sad post.. and I'm still not sure.

The disassembled abandoned cake - autism eating out and about

We were having a family day out at a well known visitor attraction. Nothing too exciting or expensive but a day out that involved catching a train, a little walk and a wander about. Apart from a bit of jumping and squealing the kids were having a good day.  And overall I'd say it was a good day... unless you were the disassembled abandoned cake.  And it's the cake that makes me wonder how can I do the right thing?

My autistic son and the Christmas Tree upset

It's a fine line between enabling our autistic kids to enjoy different things and not making a change that causes stress and anxiety. This year we didn't put up the fake tree we've had since we first had the kids over nine years ago.  Instead I had a heart-breaking and the heart-warming experience that came with getting our first real Christmas Tree.

Favourite Friday: The heart ache of one shoe, my son's despair

It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't understand.

Have you ever been so distraught that you can't function? Has anything ever upset you so much that you simply can't cope with anything? Think uncontrollable tears or absolute fear or rage? Or all at once? Now imagine feeling like this because your sister has only got one of her shoes on. That's what  life is like for our autistic son, David.

Every Friday Rainbowsaretoobeautiful published the most popular post from the previous week. You can see them all here

Read the rest of this week's Favourite Friday post 'Autism parenting: The heart ache of one shoe, my son's despair'

Different possibilities can be ok

Yesterday's school run was a disaster.  We only just left the house on time but the journey was doomed. Two sets of road works had sprung up over night (seriously) and that added to a delivery truck blocking a single lane road led to one inevitability... we were going to be late.

I'm not really a stickler for being late.  Admittedly, whether I like it or not I'm more a 'just in time' kinda girl. With two boys on the autistic spectrum and a toddler, waiting if you get somewhere too early can be a disaster. But school... it's so important that the boys days start well if they are going to have a good day. Routines really help them to stay calm and feel safe.  Missing the morning routine of name call or 'placing your pear on the tree' could potentially spell disaster.

But every now and again something happens that means we are late.  The day David was sick on the breakfast table.. we were late. The day a bus broke down in the high street, we were late.  And the day two sets of road works sprung up on our route over night.. we would be late.

I'm frustrated. Mentally I've already figured out every alternative route from our current position and know that all I can do is watch the minutes clock by on the car display.  If only Anthony hadn't got an invisible stick in his shoe, if only Jane hadn't moaned and asked for another piece of toast... if only I hadn't had to chase David around the living room for a minute before I could hoist him into the car.

Being late like this used to be terrible. Anthony would become very anxious.  "Are we going to be late... oh no.. it is my fault?"  Obviously it's never actually Anthony's fault because it's my responsibility to get the kids to school but Anthony knows when he has had difficulty focusing and no doing what he supposed to.  He'd panic the whole way there.  The time I needed to change the format of the morning to deliver the children to their prospective schools in reverse order released a small monster in our son David.  He didn't understand why he was being dragged out of the car to the wrong place and had a meltdown outside the school gate.

But yesterday as I sat in the car... going no where I become calm.  Anthony was giggling and singing, "We're going to be laaaate... we're going t'be laaate," which while being tedious and annoying was a great step forward. We have been late more than once and we have recently had to come out of school for various medical appointments.  When this has happened I've explained that it's ok, no one is upset with Anthony and sometimes things are just different.  Anthony has learned it's ok to be late sometimes.  As long as he knows what's happening he is fine with it.  David has also had to accompany Anthony to school for the odd reason and he is now much better at being out of routine.

And while I'm desperate to try and make the near impossible double drop school run every morning in a calm and civilised manner, being late for school is not the terrible drama it once was.

Anthony made it to school on time (just). David was 10 minutes late but class routine hadn't started. Neither were upset.  So maybe not such a terrible start to the day after all.

Links
Our blog - The slightest change is difficult
Our blog - Autistic Anthony's always to blame, problems on the school run

External
National Autistic Society - Routines & obsessions

As listed on:

David's iPad, an alternative to parenting?

I think if I told some people how long my son can play or should I say, is allowed to play, on his iPad I'd get strange looks. I know if I told people he spent hours everyday on it I'd be judged. This post has been updated, please read the rest here.

Final straws on a pile of worries

Many kids with ASD have 'triggers' for major meltdowns. Or at least that's the way it seems.  It was long ago that I figured Anthony couldn't possibly have as many 'triggers' as it appeared.  Everyone has days where things seem to be stacked against them and we have a 'what else could possibly go wrong today' feeling.