Never prouder of last place

Today was Anthony's first Swimming Gala.  Nearly 100 kids with Special Educational Needs (SEN) from nearly 20 schools took part in a borough wide inclusive swim competition.  Last night was Anthony's last swim lesson before his Gala and as his awesome swimming instructor couldn't get to the Gala it was me who was going to practice his race swim with him in the pool.

Yesterday Anthony had woken up with a terrible cold and I was a bit nervous that he might not make it to his lesson. By the time I'd got back from the school run, I was worried I wouldn't make it. I pretty much went straight to bed after I realised my headache was a migraine. I was very fortunate that Jane was at nursery so was able to go straight to bed.  I was just about able to function with the aid of a pile of painkillers for the afternoon school run. 

As I collected Anthony, I saw his cold was much better and he was all set for his last swim lesson before the Gala. Despite still feeling rotten, I wasn't going to let him down, so donned a swimsuit and headed to the pool. 

I still had the after effects of my migraine.  The lights in the pool pierced my eyes, the sounds echoed around my head and the chlorine made me feel a bit (more) sick. The pool was freezing cold, or at least that's how it felt and I was desperate not to get any water in my ears in case it hurt. I wanted everything to go smoothly and like normal please - nothing too complicated. 

But this was all about preparing Anthony. He had worn his swim team track suit to the lesson and we got undressed at the poolside just like he would need to do today.  And then after a short lesson, he and I went up and down the pool as Anthony practiced his race.  When he was happy and tired enough, we went home. 

If you've read, A lead pipe, a ball and a pair of feet, you'll know since Anthony has had lessons, his swimming has really come along. But he was very nervous about coming last in his race.  As he was going to be the youngest in his heat today this was entirely possible.

We have spent the last week talking about how racing is more about doing your best than winning. We have watched the 2012 Olympic backstroke finals several times and Anthony has watched some of the best swimmers in the world come last in their races on YouTube. He knew it was ok to come last but he was worried about it happening. 

Two pupils went with Anthony from his school.  He cheered them both brilliantly during their heats.  I was very proud of him when he took the effort to go and see one of his fellow pupils to congratulate them on winning their heat. He said he was very proud of them, and that made everyone smile. He got a kindness sticker when he got back to school for that. 

Anthony had waited three hours for his single length swim when we were finally called to get into the water. He had been grouped with boys who were older than he was, which happens at these events. Anthony is in Year 3, but the event allowed for up to Year 6. 

We both shivered as we got in. Anthony dunked his face in the water and then got into the 'take your marks' position.  The whistle sounded and he was off. 

For a short period he seemed to be travelling in a relatively straight line. 'Big arms and kick, kick, kick', I repeated over and over. He swam as best as I've ever seen. About half way down the length he traversed a bit but was still going ok. I glanced over and realised that indeed, Anthony would be last.  I winced ever so slightly but not enough to stop my persistent 'Big arms and kick kick kick' mantra that we had practiced to. As we past the five meter to go flags he said, "I'm nearly there" and a moment or so later he'd fumbled a bit and touched the end. 

I immediately gave him a massive grin and massive hug and told him he had been amazing. "Did I come last?" he asked. "Is that ok?" I asked. "Yes, because I really did my best mummy." 

Ok, hold it together I thought.  

As we got out the pool to the same round of cheers and congratulations that every single swimmer got, Anthony squinted as he took of his goggles. He was shivering and I grabbed his towel (I hardly noticed the cold, I was so hyped). I looked around and thought how amazing my son was. 

Yesterday I'd been a bit iffy when I went to the pool, but the things that bothered me are things Anthony as a child with ASD, ADHD and SPD overcomes every single time he goes swimming. The piercing bright lights, the cheers and echos, the cold water and strong smell of chlorine. 

He's not only learned to swim, he's learned to cope with all these sensory battles, learned to cheer and feel pride in the accomplishments of others and learned that doing his best is more important than winning.  

I could barely be prouder of my last place boy.  What was the last thing that made you realise your kid is just amazing?

Links
Our blog - A lead pipe, a ball and a pair of feet
Our blog - Autism and the misunderstandings of empathy

External Links
NAS - Sensory

It's moony tonight

Our Anthony often says or sees things others either don't notice, or don't think about like he does.  He makes great observations on the way home.  His latest one made me smile. He looked up at the evening sky and declared "The moon is very bright, yes, it's very moony."
Read more here

Always the same Christmas Tree because they all the same?

Yes, we have finally put up the Christmas Tree. The whole build up to Christmas can be a bit stressful in our home. It brings with it a lot of change of routine and unexpected events which can be difficult for our autistic sons. With Anthony's recent 'All the trees are dead' comment I had expected to have an interesting 'evergreen' conversation with him when we put up the Christmas tree. However it didn't go as I had expected.

Anthony has been pointing out the 'dead' trees on the way to school for the last month. In the last week or so we've also noted some if the evergreen plants and trees on the journey too. Anthony and I have discussed how they didn't have regular leaves and were special in a different way. Please don't get me going on a Christmas tree - autism analogy just yet. 

The evergreen conversation seemed to go down well until we discussed our own Christmas tree. It's the same one we've had for years. It seems logical to stick with the same tree if you have kids who shy away from change. Even with using the same decorations, our younger son with ASD still has a hyper couple of days after the lounge is made over for Christmas. 

We've also never had a real tree since having the boys for fear of them hurting themselves mostly. It was a real eating hazard with the needles, David in particular is very orally stimulated and was mouthing until he was nearly four years old. 

It was discussing the weather, the trees and the evergreens on the way to school the other day that Anthony explained that he had known already about evergreen trees. "They aren't dead like the other trees because they are pretend trees to start with."

Anthony assumed that every single fir tree, evergreen and holly bush was fake like the ones we had at home. He was absolutely certain of it. After all it made perfect sense given the 'normal' trees lost their leaves in autumn. It was only upon inspection of a few evergreens that he started to listen to me about only some Christmas trees being fake. 

In a way it's strange, I don't think he thinks we have real star or real snow flakes on the tree and he knows these are different in real life. Perhaps it comes down to having been introduced to a 'fake' Christmas tree before a real one. He could be over generalising, a common difficulty in some people with autism, where he thinks all evergreens are fake like our one. It's almost as if he thought real Christmas trees didn't exist. 

So his education continued today, pointing out 'real' evergreens on the way to school. Goodness knows what questions spring will bring in the new year! 

Links
Our blog - All the tree are dead
Our blog - Generalising dog, autism and language 

Autism, facts and absolutes?

Yesterday was the 1st of December, and according to Anthony, who has autism, this meant it was now definitely 'Winter', he had to open a chocolate advent calendar and all the trees were dead.

Generalising dog - autism and language

My mum let our dog, Smithy, out into the garden yesterday. Anthony was the garden too. When it got dark, mum shouted for everyone to come in. Smithy was the last to come back into the house so mum yelled, "Come on dog," into the garden. This was immediately corrected by Anthony, "It's Smithy, not Dog." It reminded me of the difficulties Anthony faced with generalising his language. 

Difficulties with communication, speech and language is a basic symptom of autism. Anthony was diagnosed with autism around three years old, just like his younger brother David. For both our sons, it was the speech delay that first alerted us to their condition.

One of the things that was noticeable with Anthony was when he would use the wrong words for things or not use words that we knew he could say.  Sometimes this was due to difficulties with generalising his vocabulary. Over-generalising can be described as using a word too generally. For example using the same word 'tomato' when talking about a strawberry, a tomato, a pair of socks or maybe even a car because they are all red. Under-generalising is the opposite. This could mean learning that the term 'cup' only refers to one particular cup - perhaps the blue sippy cup a child has at home. If the child was unable to recognise that the other receptacle's with handles used for drinking are also cups too then they are being too specific with the term. The word 'cup' is not being used generally enough. 

Anthony had both of these issues, but the garden incident reminded me mostly of his over-generalising. Initially, all dogs were 'Smithys'. We seemed to manage to explain that Smithy was our dog's name but this seemed to make it worse. The term 'dog' suddenly referred to everything hairy with four legs. This included nearly all the animals at the pet store including rabbits, gerbils and hamsters; the cows and sheep we passed driving to my parents house in Scotland and the horses ridden by the police. Put a furry blanket on top of a table and it might also become a dog. There was something very strange about being told that a dog had chased a dog up a tree and a man on a dog was watching them?

Thankfully, we've come to understand these issues and try to head them off before they occur. Early on using Makaton signs helped us label different items effectively. We can point out the difference between items such as a car and a bus so they are registered as different terms. This is best explained immediately when a new word is introduced.  However, we aren't always there when this happens. Anthony learnt the word 'pathetic' from someone the other day. Without really understanding the meaning of the word, it has been immediately over-generalised so everyone is 'pathetic'. He might have some interesting conversations at school today! 

Links
Our Blog - Anthony's always aloud

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