Tuesday, 26 February 2019

Remembering our anniversary

Parents cuddling on steps

It was our wedding anniversary at the weekend. We went away for half term with the kids and so with that and everything else going on, we didn't even manage to get each other cards.  I shouldn’t be surprised – I didn’t get one last year and neither did he.

I’ve been too busy. I feel like I’ve not got an ounce of effort left in me at the moment because of the challenges I’m facing on behalf of my kids. It’s just about all I talk about. Except when I’m too stressed to talk about it and then I don’t talk about anything.

I can just about muster a few sentences on what’s for dinner and which programme shall we watch for half an hour before we need to go bed.

I don’t imagine this is anything usual in a family with additional needs kids. In fact I know it’s not. The statistics vary but I’ve read that 65% of couples raising a child with ADHD (one of the conditions one of our kids has) have experienced marital problems. 90% of parents with a child with learning difficulties say they don’t get to spend enough time together.

Sometimes it feels like life is a set of tasks to be delegated and split. I don’t want to make my kids sound like a job or household chores but there’s plenty to do for them. Only one of my three kids can reliably dress themselves without support - and that’s the youngest one. Brushing David’s teeth can be a two-person task but in most other things we can spend a lot of time in the same house but not together.

Perhaps the one thing about an Anniversary is not the cards (obviously) but the way that it sparks the reminder. The reminder that our marriage is about more than just parenting our kids.

The reminder that we chose each other before we chose children.

The reminder that we are people and not just parents... partners and not just parents.

And even if the day only brings that thought and I smile a bit more at my other half, it crosses our minds to choose something romantic to watch for that half hour together, or we take two minutes just to actually ‘together’, then that’s got to a good thing.

A simple pause to remember we are with who we chose to be with and that we still do.

7 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary. There are stressful and busy times for sure, but it's the little thoughts and support which matter x

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  2. My husband and I realize we have to stop and breathe together regularly. One thing that helps are the little traditions we have like giving each other three kisses at night before bed. #KCACOLS

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  3. My husband and I realize we have to stop and breathe together regularly. One thing that helps are the little traditions we have like giving each other three kisses at night before bed. #KCACOLS

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  4. The old saying goes 'this too shall pass'. Kids grow, their needs change, the workload changes. One day you might find yourself alone with our husband once more with all the time in the world. Then you will miss it. But what matters most to prepare for that day is that you both still do choose each other and it sounds like you do. So for now that half your of tv together will have to do until you have more time for each other again. You'll get there. Happy anniversary. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time

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  5. Happy Anniversary!! I know it can be hard but it sounds like you still remember what is important. It will get easier, and one day you will realize you miss some of the craziness. Just remember the little things matter a lot, especially right now. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time!

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  6. Happy Anniversary Ann! I hear you, life is hard and goes pass very fast and we get distracted with everything that is thrown to us and I can imagine how harder could be with kids with needs. This will sound silly but Nick and I communicate a lot through WhatsApp during the day when he is at work and we tell each other everything there because when he is back home there is no time with the girls that are so challenging some times. This little thing brings us together a little bit more as we are in constant communication. Hope things get better for you and you get more time alone and I agree with everyone above that the little things matter a lot! :-) xx #kcacols

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