Thursday, 28 April 2016

Different possibilities can be ok

Yesterday's school run was a disaster.  We only just left the house on time but the journey was doomed. Two sets of road works had sprung up over night (seriously) and that added to a delivery truck blocking a single lane road led to one inevitability... we were going to be late.

I'm not really a stickler for being late.  Admittedly, whether I like it or not I'm more a 'just in time' kinda girl. With two boys on the autistic spectrum and a toddler, waiting if you get somewhere too early can be a disaster. But school... it's so important that the boys days start well if they are going to have a good day. Routines really help them to stay calm and feel safe.  Missing the morning routine of name call or 'placing your pear on the tree' could potentially spell disaster.

But every now and again something happens that means we are late.  The day David was sick on the breakfast table.. we were late. The day a bus broke down in the high street, we were late.  And the day two sets of road works sprung up on our route over night.. we would be late.

I'm frustrated. Mentally I've already figured out every alternative route from our current position and know that all I can do is watch the minutes clock by on the car display.  If only Anthony hadn't got an invisible stick in his shoe, if only Jane hadn't moaned and asked for another piece of toast... if only I hadn't had to chase David around the living room for a minute before I could hoist him into the car.

Being late like this used to be terrible. Anthony would become very anxious.  "Are we going to be late... oh no.. it is my fault?"  Obviously it's never actually Anthony's fault because it's my responsibility to get the kids to school but Anthony knows when he has had difficulty focusing and no doing what he supposed to.  He'd panic the whole way there.  The time I needed to change the format of the morning to deliver the children to their prospective schools in reverse order released a small monster in our son David.  He didn't understand why he was being dragged out of the car to the wrong place and had a meltdown outside the school gate.

But yesterday as I sat in the car... going no where I become calm.  Anthony was giggling and singing, "We're going to be laaaate... we're going t'be laaate," which while being tedious and annoying was a great step forward. We have been late more than once and we have recently had to come out of school for various medical appointments.  When this has happened I've explained that it's ok, no one is upset with Anthony and sometimes things are just different.  Anthony has learned it's ok to be late sometimes.  As long as he knows what's happening he is fine with it.  David has also had to accompany Anthony to school for the odd reason and he is now much better at being out of routine.

And while I'm desperate to try and make the near impossible double drop school run every morning in a calm and civilised manner, being late for school is not the terrible drama it once was.

Anthony made it to school on time (just). David was 10 minutes late but class routine hadn't started. Neither were upset.  So maybe not such a terrible start to the day after all.

Links
Our blog - The slightest change is difficult
Our blog - Autistic Anthony's always to blame, problems on the school run

External
National Autistic Society - Routines & obsessions

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Mummuddlingthrough

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

26 comments:

  1. Guess it happens to the best of us. Except me. I am never late...but there's still time ;-)
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xx

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  2. Being late is stressful and frustrating at the best of times but even more so when it can trigger meltdowns. So glad that David and Anthony both coped so well with it.

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    1. It really is a relief. Thanks for commenting.

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  3. I felt your stress in this post!! I never used to be a late person...until I had children. When I started to run late it really stressed me out, so much I couldn't relax at the said destination. Since child number 2 this had had to change...and I am getting better. If we are less than half an hour late it's a good achievement! #KCACOLS

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    1. Everything takes soooo much longer with kids, doesn't it! Thanks for commenting.

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  4. I used to hate being late for school so much at primary school - I can remember the anxiety, even now! Secondary school was a different matter... :) #KCACOLS

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    1. Actually, I sometimes dream about being late for the uni lectures. Ohhh the stares :-/

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  5. I think a lot of us are doomed to be late on the school run, it only takes one things not to go quite right and we are late
    #KCACOLS

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    1. Just not enough margin for error I think. I haven't got any single room with the double drop at all. But even if you live around the corner it must be easy for one thing to just crop up at the wrong time and whoops.. Late

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  6. I remember being late on my first day of middle school - my poor mother was mortified! Glad your boys didnt get too stressed #KCACOLS

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    1. It happens. Thanks for commenting.

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  7. I'm so glad the school run went well for you. Our car journeys can be a complete nightmare even if it's just being stopped by a red light. It can cause distress or all of us. I'm really not looking forward to having to do two school runs either, can I give you a medal now ;0) #SSAmazingAchievements

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    1. Anyhony thinks it's funny when I talk to the cars and the light... Come on... Come on....

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  8. Well done to you all for coping with the prospect of being late, it's never easy is it. I'm glad you weren't too late and that it wasn't the drama it could have been. Thanks for linking up with #SSAmazingAchievements

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  9. aw pleased Anthony coped well with it in the end. I find sometimes it is best to make light of a crappy situation. never easy though is it #KCACOLS

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    1. That sometimes works! Thanks for commenting.

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  10. I think as a mother with multiple kids you should just get an "I'm going to be late" free card. I usually try to be on time too but lately I feel that need to be slipping farther and farther away. Especially if I'm told to be somewhere early and then the person who told me that is late! Ugh! Hope your week was better. #coolmumclub

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    1. All ok. And the school are pretty good about it really.

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  11. I hate being late it really stresses me out but I love that have all manged to be able to deal with it and everyone is ok! I would of totally been stressing out! #kcacols

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    1. I've learned that me stressing doesn't help them... Cool on the outside at least is best ;-)

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  12. Oh I understand how you feel about being late. I'm always stressing about that because I'm always rushing. Bella was late to school a few times last year because I was taking her but now thanks God her teacher that lives next to us take her to school and she is never late now!! ;-) I like your approach about just accepting the situation and remain calm otherwise it can be even more stressful. I'm glad to hear that Anthony and David coped so well with this situation. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I hope to see you again tomorrow, :-) xx

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    1. Ohh, teacher next door is lucky. I've always envied the parents who can have their kids picked up by someone else. It's really just
      Me and sometimes a grandparent because of the boys conditions. Whatever works, works right?

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  13. Being late drives me mad, if hubby is getting the kids dressed and taking his time I get so worked up! I'm glad both David and Anthony have seemed to settle a little around the lateness thing. Sometimes it happens and with three little ones...quite often! Thank you for joining me on #spectrumsunday as always lovely, hope you join me again this week xx

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    1. No probs, see you next week ;-)

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